I had a really bad day yesterday. Not because of any thing that was said or done to me , but head-things-wise. I wish I could articulate myself better: perhaps if I could write out what I was working through, I could figure out what needed to be done. There’s a lot going on: I’ve got terrible body-image and worse self-esteem, coupled with high pride, over-education, and an unfulfilling non-career. These are things that do not mix well; I feel scattered and shattered.
Anyway, my day was so bad that not even spinning could sooth me — in fact, it had quite the opposite of the desired effect (I nearly threw the spindle across the room after the thousndth’s time the singles broke, and then collapsed in to tears). Once calmer, all my other knitting projects seemed hopeless, either too boring or too complex to tackle, but I knew I had to do something.
It was then I made a choice. I could stop, or I could move on, and I genuinely want to move on. So I picked up the last ball of pink merino, and cast on for that Gatsby Girl sleeve. This may lead to more tears and frustrations, but I can continue with that, and get it done nonetheless. I will knit it again, properly, and finish this sweater, and as it comes together, so too, I hope, shall I.